Parent Newsletter

Youth Specialties Parent Newsletter - February 4th, 2009

1. TOOLS FOR PARENTING TEENS
PEOPLE LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO LISTEN
If paying attention to what kids talk about is the passive side of listening, what's the active side? Here's the script of a digital movie I wrote for DCLA and the Youth Specialties CORE tour. It's my best shot at putting words to the adolescent longing to be heard...
Listen
You wanna know how I'm doing?
Don't ask.
Seriously.
Don't ask if you're not ready to listen.
Don't say, "How you doin'?"
I'll just say, "Fine."
It's the answer I'm trained to give
--[should be em dash]whether it's true or not.
A shallow answer
to a shallow question.
Most people don't really wanna know;
they assume I know they're just being polite.
I don't think that's polite at all.
Short questions get short answers.
You wanna know how I'm doing?
Ask what I've been up to;
what I'm working on;
what's up with my family.
If you're asking me (and I sensed you were),
most of the best question don't have question marks:
"Tell me about your sister."
"I'd like to hear about your job."
"Tell me how you felt."
"Tell me what you mean."
"I'd like to know more about that."
You wanna know how I feel when
you ask questions that way?
I feel included.
I feel cared for.
I feel like I belong.
Please...
if you already know the answer,
it's not really a question, is it...
--[should be em dash]it's a test.
Please don't do that to me.
(I hate tests.)
Don't make me look foolish.
Don't trick me.
Don't use me to
make a point.
If you're serious,
ask what I think,
ask how I feel,
ask an honest question,
and wait for my honest answer.
Learn from silence.
If I don't answer right away
--if the silence goes on too long--
ask what that means.
Maybe I'm embarrassed.
Maybe I didn't understand the question.
(Maybe you weren't clear.)
Maybe I'm thinking (and wouldn't that be nice).
You wanna know how I'm doing?
Sometimes I'm sad
because life is confusing
and painful,
and we both know
there's nothing you can do to fix that.
It's okay. I'll be fine...truly.
That doesn't mean I don't want you to check.
Give me a chance to tell you when I'm fine,
and maybe I'll tell you when I'm not.
Don't take my first response
at face value.
Listen with your eyes:
Do I look like I'm doing all right?
Listen with your heart: Do you believe my answer?
With the very best motives
--sometimes with the worst--
I'm capable of every kind of deceit.
Just like you.
Don't ask me to do what you won't.
If you wanna know my story,
tell me yours.
Let me know I'm safe--
let me know you're not perfect either.
When I believe that,
I'll talk your ear off.
**
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2. LINKS TO LEARN FROM
Health Spotlight on Teenage Drinking [NZ Herald]
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/health/news/article.cfm?c_id=204&objectid=10554682
Arrests of Teenage Girls and Women Reach Record Levels in UK [Guardian]
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/jan/29/girls-arrests-crime
Teen Angst Takes Center Stage [Ohio.com]
http://www.ohio.com/entertainment/38585254.html
The Myth of Teenage Promiscuity [New York Times]
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/27/health/27well.html?ref=science
Teaching Teenagers About Harassment [New York Times]
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/27/business/media/27adco.html?_r=1&ref=technology

3. LEARN THEIR LINGO
...Some slang and texting lingo for you to speak (or at least understand)
- Blackberry Prayer = the position a person assumes when engrossed in a text conversation on their phone.
- Blingin = Shining because you are wearing so much jewelry. "Check you out David, you blingin tonight."

4. A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT...AND HUMOR
"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children."
~ Charles R. Swindoll

*All outside Internet links are here to inform or entertain you...we at YS don't necessarily endorse or support every link you find here.
copyright 2009 :: Youth Specialties
300 S. Pierce St.
El Cajon, CA 92020
888.346.4179
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